Falling Flat Post 10

Dinner tonight was-Farm-style Green Beans, Mashed Potatoes and chicken with skillet gravy. I was very happy about how dinner turned out. The boys again cleaned their plates. Joe was very envious of our dinner but then again I think he would have ate anything because all he had for dinner was a Turkey Sandwich.

I know it's only the second day but I have actually been feeling better about myself in general since I decided to do this and then put it into action. I have more confidence the ability to get many things done while I am cooking, just feeling like I am a better parent because I am able to make the time and effort to feed the family better. It is freaking hard I would never say that this is an easy undertaking. Making sure what ever I am making for dinner does not take too long to cook so the boys can get to bed on time is very hard. But I have to pick which is more important...them going to bed a little later or a healthy dinner. Healthy dinner is the biggest thing I feel.

Do you ever feel like your a character in a play? That you are being watched and judged? Sometimes I feel that way. My life as a housewife and mother have been bumpy. I never thought I would be a housewife and then when push came to shove I became one I didn't know how to bend my dreams around the new ones I had made with the hubby and the kids.

Coming to grips with the fact that I actually love being able to spend time with the boys and that since I have the ability to stay home and help the boys with their homework I should make the best of it, has been the biggest realization I have come too in the last 5 years. I am excited to be thinking about starting my business in home when I get back to the states. I will be more accessible to the boys and I will be able to actually relax in my downtime instead of worrying about not having enough time for everything.

I love what I do...teaching Kindermusik but since I did not walk into a program that was already established it is hard to shut down at the end of the day when there is so much to think about and get ready for the next day and to worry about. I think though that this job more than any of the others helped me to figure out what my real path in life was to be. It has nothing to do with working as an elementary school teacher. I am suppose to run a home preschool and teach children to help them love learning as much as I do. To teach them to retain their creativity no matter what.

I think today I learned many lessons and they all lead to the fact that I am happy :)