Sunday, August 15, 2010

I am Back!!

I feel wonderful :)

So many things to be happy about no point in dwelling on the past. I am a girl who will ALWAYS have problems getting along with other girls. I want friends tried to create a way to make friends but it never quite works out the way I thought in my mind.

It seems my good nature is usually what leads to my down fall and I can't get mad that I feel no real reason to be mean or nasty or to play games. I am going to be me and I have to get use to it and accept it.

Now I need to make the decision if staying is the best course of action for me. The times I miss having a gaggle of women to speak to when I am having problems making decisions. But wait...I have never had a gaggle of women to help me to back me up at the most I have had two lol. So I have to do this one with my guts.

I am feeling uneasy. Like something else is getting ready to blow up. Will I feel better if I remove myself? My dreams are filled with the blow up like it was filled with the uneasiness I felt before everything went down. I did say I needed to listen to my gut if started to speak again....the only problem is...this time the feeling is so vague I am not sure what I am being warned about. I only feel normal when I am with my family and we are doing something together. So maybe my feelings have something to do with any and everyone outside of my family unit? I hate to think that though. I am here for another year. I would love to have people to hang with and friends to ask me places but I am afraid that ship may have sailed.

One thing is for sure I am sure about the direction my life is going I am sure who I want in it and I am sure about the type of person I wish to be.

Today is the second step in a positive direction. I am going to do what I am very good at when I am making decisions sit down shut up and observe.

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