Star date......320131

You annoy me....

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/internet-husband

Today we are gonna talk about husbands. WARNING: This is not a mushy post. I do not do those. So does your husband annoy you? Does he refuse to help around the house? Does he complain about helping with laundry or the dishes? Take a billion years to do one chore. Slap you on your ass as you are going down the stairs and almost causes you to fall. Listen to you talk about your job and then says "What did you say?" After 20 min?

It's time to get that ass.

Alright so I was given this amazing topic by a very good friend. Some would call her the white version of me.....but I am meaner when pushed. So she had some great ideas like washing only the clothes in the hamper which means none of his clothes get washed cause his are always on the floor. Or changing the code on the xbox apply ear phones and watch the fireworks for hours. These are awesomesauce ideas. I lurves them if you do them please post the results.

Now here is what I do when I annoy Mister J.

5. Order the children to jump on him in the morning before he has woken up. Direct one to punch him in the junk.-This serves as a reminder that you made them and you can control (for the most part) their actions. I rule the demons I spawned. The benefits of pushing children from womb. Also it's quite funny watching him get totally upset when he is woken up suddenly from the hit. Now if you do this please make sure that your children do not listen to him when orders revenge. My children are loyal to me and only me. I am 22 a Princess and no one jumps on me. He is old and grey. WIN!!

4. Wait til he gets home and tell him you didn't make dinner....then ask him to go back out and get the thing you are craving.-This means limited speaking for the rest of the night and you can avoid the sex if you are not feeling it. Use this one sparingly because there is a chance it could back fire and leave you with nothing you want and then you are actually pissed off instead of amused when he gets a wild hair and refuses to go.

3. Promise sex in the morning...then be tired at bed time.-Nuff said

2. Put his least favorite veggie inside the dinner and then tell what you did.- He will act childish for the rest of the night cause you ruined his dinner and there will be left overs for the next day.

1. The number one thing? Poke and tickle him awake and then hold his nose closed and whisper "Fuckery" In his ear in the morning. It will piss him off and annoy him until no end and make him so mad that you think he will explode.

You are probably thinking... "Why I am glad I didn't marry her". Trust me I am awesome and you wish I was there to do these things to you.

Live long and annoy someone.

Stardate......32013

To be or not to be....a housewife.....


http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/2012/12/1950s-housewife-meme/

I am a work at home mom and housewife. I kinda stumbled onto this role in my life. How? Well I had all these grand plans when I was younger (like 5). I want to be the female G.I Joe (read: join the military), then I was going to retire at 20 years after becoming a world famous spy and become a kindergarten school teacher. You know because, everyone wants a trained killer to teach their child ABC's. In the end I went into the military for four years became known as the happiest little gate guard ever and got out at the end of my term because I was knocked up and felt like one of us should be here and stable since the other would deploy.

It is important for you to know that when I got out it was not ASSUMED that I would get out, it was made because I knew what I wanted to do when I got out of the military and the man....just didn't. Otherwise I would have stayed in and he would have gotten out and taken care of the boys. Which after nearly eight years of marriage and countless diapers I realize it worked out for the best because the man sometimes looks .....frightened when something random comes up with the boys. This is not because he is a man it is because it is NATURE. He is just not good with the crap the boys come up with day in and day out. That is not to say that he is horrible with them, just that I am better at it. This is also not because I am a woman. I didn't play with dolls, or play tea. I was a tomboy. Who liked to dress in pretty dresses. I climbed trees, beat up boys played with ninja turtles, had a he-man swords. I was a tom boy for the longest time. Perhaps I still am. I mean really who doesn't like a good action flick? Well not all girls are like me lol! But I do think that I was well prepared for the two boys I have and I am ready to do the baseball, football, soccer thing. If I had a girl I would have been ready to tom boy her the hell up and take her out there for sports too.

Why am I writing about this? Because I read an article called "The Feminist Housewife" is such Bullshit" So basically there is an article floating around that was written in New York magazine called "The Retro Wife" Where we are allowed to learn that they are breaking the mold on feminist and returning to the home...you know where we belong (rolling my eyes hard). Look you can like being a housewife if that is something that you truly wanted to do and be in life. But lets not continue to pass on the bullshit lie that men can't do the job we do just as well. Men can be excellent at staying at home. Some women are just not made to be stay at home wives. There is nothing wrong with that. What I take some real issue with is telling girls that they should have a career they can walk away from. WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL?! Why would you tell them that?! Why?! "Yes darling get all the education you want but make sure you don't love your job too much cause it will make it hard to quit to be a SAHM when the time comes". That is some damn shitty advice.

So world, you can thank me. I am turning out men who will be able to wash clothes, cook, clean and nurture children should the need arise. You know why? Because mommy has a damn career and they are fully capable of learning to clean up the space we all share together. When they become men with their own families their significant others will love me because my boys will be able to share in all household tasks and never ask their wife to give up her career just to honor the timely traditions of gender roles.

Maybe I have been doing things all wrong..maybe I should have become a man because then my ambition would be seen as a positive and not as a weird trait in a woman that should only care about being the black Martha Stewart. Sigh but sadly cause I have a vagina I want to be a successful business woman, mother and teacher AND the black Martha Stewart because I need society to love me.

That last bit is a lie. I want to be the black Martha cause I want her money.

Live Long and be a fembot

Stardate....32012

I Cooked ALL the Food

So I failed in my attempt to blog everyday but I don't think you should hold that against me in anyway because I was busy. My Simcity is taking up a lot of my time lately....I kid I kid! Actually working has been at the front of my agenda. I have so many things to do that by the time I am able to sit and write the blog it is time for bed. So today I will post the two recipes I tried. I would also like to talk about awkward moments. So I have these awkward moments when I am either in a new place or I am in an old place around people who do not usually speak to me but we do the same activity. This moment is something that I like to call.

Ignoreabitch. 

What this moment entails is me saying hi or smiling and no one saying hi back, but saying Hi to the other people that are in the room. The other version of this would be having a funny conversation with the people around me but when I put in a comment not acknowledging I have said anything.

So I have come up with a plan to combat this sense of awkwardness. Because really who likes to feel like they are being ignored or that they are not wanted right? 

1. Burp and fart loudly. No one can ignore you then! But the down fall would be that they also would not want to be around you because of the stench. 

2. Do handstands. Because Gabby has shown us that in order for be to gain acceptance in the world I need to be a gymnast. 

3. Go up to them and hug them. This may also be awkward and could result either in sexual harassment or a restraining order. 

These are just a few of the ideas that popped into my head. I know what you are thinking. I could just find people who like me. Well I am socially awkward so I have to take human contact outside of the computer where I can get it. And if it is while I am sitting around a bunch of people who do not get me then so be it! Actually what this really ensures is that I will do something totally random for attention and cement by status and the weird little black girl :). Look out for that post in the near future. 

Ok so I made Hummus Sandwiches for work. The class loved them I did not try one so I am still unsure of the taste but I naturally love hummus so I will attempt to make them again. I also made mini apple pies with the class and I will be making them with Superheroes 1 and 2 today. I got this recipe from the curriculum I order for work. It was super easy and super cute. Most of the kids LOVED them. I think the other kids were not pleased with the fact that they were square instead of round but the fact that it was fun to make something made the whole thing worthwhile. 

Hummus and Cumber Sandwich

Mini Apple Pies (Going into the oven) 

Mini Apple Pies 

When I made the Apple pies all I used was refrigerated biscuits, apples, flour, sugar, cinnamon and pumpkin spice because we were out of nutmeg. I used a square pan because I like that pan a lot and I won it during a roller derby bout. Now the recipe I posted below is a little different from the one I got. The oven is on 375 for 20 minutes. Also I did not have the kids do the strips because that would have taken too long and they were reaching max with the attention span already. They still smelled great and were a ton of fun to do! 

For diner last night I found an awesome recipe for Super Garlic Chicken. Seriously it was SUPER GARLIC. But it was delicious. I left it in the crock pot for about 6 hours and it was tender, juicy and falling off the bone. We had mac and cheese and string beans with bacon and Hawaiian rolls. Dinner was off the CHAIN!

  

Super Garlic Chicken

For this recipe I did not have fresh garlic and I had no ability to ride out and get some. So instead I used minced garlic. I was also lazy and poured everything over it and under it while it was in the crockpot in stead of doing it exactly as it said in the directions. In my defense I was tired after 630 am derby practice. lol It still came out wonderful but if you happen to follow the directions please post it or send me a picture to feature in my next post! 

Another thing that I would like to do sometime soon is to create a totally awesome wardrobe for the costumes I have at work for the kids. I found something on pintrest that I think would be kinda of cool to do once I have some cash again.  All it really takes is a dresser, wall paper and paint and maybe a piece of wood and some hooks. I am loving this project and I will be adding this on to the things I do as soon as I get some free time. 

Alright well I have to go and finish coughing up a lung and working on the house and being the queen of my castle. Please PLEASE comment. How am I to do know I am reaching the masses with my writing if you do not leave me comments? You know it's how we measure if we are really liked and all :). 

Sites of note:

Mini Apple Pie

Hummus Sandwich 

Super Garlic Chicken

Costume Storage

Thank you for listening and I look forward to posting again super soon! 

Live Long and Stay awkward. 

Capt. Domestic Diva 

Homemaking.......Star Date 57

I Need a Flask for the Holidays

So I graduated from College yesterday! I officially have a Bachelor of Science in Birth-Kindergarten Education. I am excited do not get me wrong but now I am facing free time that I have previously not been allowed to have. I am also allowed to concentrate on my career as a Preschool teacher the way I want too. So next month I will officially be opening Perfect Start Learning my in home preschool :). So between the last bit of my homework and the clearing up the last of the boxes from moving I have been trying to get presents together. With one income it has been kind of hard thinking of ways to deal with everything. 

 

So before I begin showing you what I have done I want to explain to you the top five reasons children should never be in the kitchen with you....

1. They like to scare you while you are holding a knife "Mommy you cut off your finger!!" "Yeah cause you jumped out and screamed boo you crazy asses!"

2. They attempt to eat before everything is done.... "No, Johnny that piece of meat is not cooked all the way"

3. They scream they can do everything by themselves..." NO CINDY DON'T PUT THAT IN THE MICROWAVE!!"..boom

4. "WASH YOUR HANDS YOU WERE DIGGING IN YOUR NOSE!!" 'nough said 

5. The number 5 reason for not having children in the kitchen while you cook....."Mommy this is nasty make something else"......

Now that the list s out of the way we can get down to special presents to make for special people. For this post I want to talk about Gifts in a jar! I was searching all over the Internet for things I could make that would show I cared and that were inexpensive to make. I found gifts in the jar. Now apparently you could shove old socks in a jar and as long as you put a pretty gift tag on it you have made an awesome present. 

I did not shove an old sock in a jar...mostly because I don't want to touch old socks. Being back in the states means that I can pick anything from over the Internet now and make it easily because I can find the ingredients rather easily. I decided on cookies in jar for a derby girl secret Santa gift and peppermint cocoa for other people. 

This is the picture of the Christmas candy jar I am putting in the boys stockings. 

This is the Peppermint Cocoa that I made. 

These are easy to make because all of these things are in the house on a regular basis and if you are someone that sews or knits on a regular basis you will have fabric to put on the top as decoration. For the candy jars I would just have a piece of children's fabric handy and various Christmas candies. You arrange them in a nice way and before placing the lid on the pint sized jars (7.99 for 20 Walmart). I picked the pint sized because a  Quart seemed to be too big to be given as a gift. 

The peppermint cocoa I only needed to purchase the powered milk and peppermint candy that was to be crushed on the top. Everything else I had in the house such as the sugar, unsweetened chocolate powder and salt. 

For the tags to go on the gifts the sites I am going to show you will have plenty of templates that you can adjust or you can purchase gift tags that you can write out a special message on the tag along with the directions on making the Cocoa. Cutting the tip of a baggie will allow you to pour the ingredients into the jar without getting it all over the jar. 

I have to admit I had fun making these and I look forward to hearing how everyone loved their gifts. Sometimes during the holidays we lose sight of what is really important. Hopefully when these gifts are given they can see past the fact that they did not receive something high end but that they were given something from the heart and that has meaning. 

Remember everyone 

Live Long and have a good holiday!

Blogs of Note:  http://amy-newnostalgia.blogspot.com/2009/12/homemade-gifts-peppermint-stick-cocoa.html

http://www.tipjunkie.com/jar-homemade-gifts/