Star Date 10042014

So much to say and not sure where to start

 I am not a life style guru. I am a small business owner, mother and wife. I would LOVE to be able to say that at this point and time my house is perfect. It was totally clean and all the clothes were clean and in their proper place. But the truth is my house is lived in. Next to me is unfolded laundry, the kitchen has dirty dishes and two of my three bathrooms need to be cleaned.


And yet here I sit getting ready to type about something I have seen online. Because the internet gives me free reign to do so. :)

There are serious things happening in the world. Some of them are hitting me deeply and I have not yet worked out how to write about them without coming off unreasonable. Which is something I do not want to do because, what I have to speak about deserves more respect than that. What I want to say needs to be well thought out so that I will have the possibility of actually reaching someone and opening their eyes.  So instead I am going to what I do best and make you smile tonight. Tomorrow I am going to smack you all about the face with some hard truths. I want to cushion the slaps with some humor.

GOOP

I want to speak to you today about GOOP. Also Martha Stewart. Mostly GOOP. I surfed Goop's website after speaking with a good friend who will be referred too as Ms. J. Ms. J had some strong words about Goop. I had only heard and never experienced GOOP and since I like life style websites and blogs and learning about new things I wondered why I had not been more exposed to Goop. I now know why after looking around at the site.

IT'S CAUSE I'M POOR!

I am not even joking. While I know there are some things I can not do but like about Martha Stewart's brand, I do not feel bad I can't do them because there is often another way offered in my price range. I have Martha's dish set in my cabinet right now that I got for Christmas. (They were on sale on base). Goop is not the same thing. You know how I know that. The GOLDEN JUICER. What in the world do you do with a Golden Juicer. I mean do you wake up in the morning and say "I need golden juice" . I mean why?

This juicer was in the gift guide. Now if I had 4000 dollars to spend would a juicer to give to someone else REALLY be the thing I would do? Lets forget the fact that 4000 dollars is probably a whole months pay check for some people. But to spend it on a juicer?! I wish this was the only crazy thing on this list (she admits it's crazy you guys). There was a 450 dollar jacket for a child. 450 dollars...on a child that will wipe their nose on the sleeves and drag the jacket on the ground.

So from just these two shining examples I know that I am not the target of this site. I am too poor. I am not spending 100 dollars on a shirt or children shoes or 500 dollars on a backgammon game (how the hell do you play that?!).

Now we move on to the crazy that is the creator of this Goop... (what the piss does that mean?!).  I will freely admit that I do not follow celebrities very much. This is going to sound snotty...but I have better things to do Like type about them in a blog :)

So I was not very well versed in the fab sayings of GP. But now I am! So lets post up the link for you guys
. http://stylecaster.com/gwyneth-paltrow-most-ridiculous-pretentious-quotes/

Read and do not absorb. It could hurt your brain. Seriously. I mean if these are the things she is going around and saying its no surprise that people are hating on her! For example (just one I have to go to sleep since I work in the morning and have no nanny)..... I think the craziest quote had to be her comparing the negative things she reads online about herself is akin to going to war. Seriously trick? You wanna compare that to war? Or the feelings someone comes away with when in war? Don't be that person. That person who has become too rich to know when to shut up. Yes it is horrible to read bad things about yourself in magazines. But lets not get all crazy...wait too late for that.

She went to war with negative reviews and she has scars and injuries. No actually she has a Golden Juicer.

Live Long and Juice some veggies

Stardate......32013

To be or not to be....a housewife.....


http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/2012/12/1950s-housewife-meme/

I am a work at home mom and housewife. I kinda stumbled onto this role in my life. How? Well I had all these grand plans when I was younger (like 5). I want to be the female G.I Joe (read: join the military), then I was going to retire at 20 years after becoming a world famous spy and become a kindergarten school teacher. You know because, everyone wants a trained killer to teach their child ABC's. In the end I went into the military for four years became known as the happiest little gate guard ever and got out at the end of my term because I was knocked up and felt like one of us should be here and stable since the other would deploy.

It is important for you to know that when I got out it was not ASSUMED that I would get out, it was made because I knew what I wanted to do when I got out of the military and the man....just didn't. Otherwise I would have stayed in and he would have gotten out and taken care of the boys. Which after nearly eight years of marriage and countless diapers I realize it worked out for the best because the man sometimes looks .....frightened when something random comes up with the boys. This is not because he is a man it is because it is NATURE. He is just not good with the crap the boys come up with day in and day out. That is not to say that he is horrible with them, just that I am better at it. This is also not because I am a woman. I didn't play with dolls, or play tea. I was a tomboy. Who liked to dress in pretty dresses. I climbed trees, beat up boys played with ninja turtles, had a he-man swords. I was a tom boy for the longest time. Perhaps I still am. I mean really who doesn't like a good action flick? Well not all girls are like me lol! But I do think that I was well prepared for the two boys I have and I am ready to do the baseball, football, soccer thing. If I had a girl I would have been ready to tom boy her the hell up and take her out there for sports too.

Why am I writing about this? Because I read an article called "The Feminist Housewife" is such Bullshit" So basically there is an article floating around that was written in New York magazine called "The Retro Wife" Where we are allowed to learn that they are breaking the mold on feminist and returning to the home...you know where we belong (rolling my eyes hard). Look you can like being a housewife if that is something that you truly wanted to do and be in life. But lets not continue to pass on the bullshit lie that men can't do the job we do just as well. Men can be excellent at staying at home. Some women are just not made to be stay at home wives. There is nothing wrong with that. What I take some real issue with is telling girls that they should have a career they can walk away from. WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL?! Why would you tell them that?! Why?! "Yes darling get all the education you want but make sure you don't love your job too much cause it will make it hard to quit to be a SAHM when the time comes". That is some damn shitty advice.

So world, you can thank me. I am turning out men who will be able to wash clothes, cook, clean and nurture children should the need arise. You know why? Because mommy has a damn career and they are fully capable of learning to clean up the space we all share together. When they become men with their own families their significant others will love me because my boys will be able to share in all household tasks and never ask their wife to give up her career just to honor the timely traditions of gender roles.

Maybe I have been doing things all wrong..maybe I should have become a man because then my ambition would be seen as a positive and not as a weird trait in a woman that should only care about being the black Martha Stewart. Sigh but sadly cause I have a vagina I want to be a successful business woman, mother and teacher AND the black Martha Stewart because I need society to love me.

That last bit is a lie. I want to be the black Martha cause I want her money.

Live Long and be a fembot