So today I went on a field trip with my oldest Super Hero's Kindergarten class to the Barefoot Park and I brought along the young Super Hero. We had so much fun my Super Heroes are funny and awesome and like all children a tad annoying when you are trying to drive some place. As I am trying to navigate my car trough the tiny towns of Germany and make sure that my GPS does not drive me off a cliff, Nathan is sitting in the back shooting questions at me like a M60 ( a machine gun, and YES I have fired one!). All matter of subjects are up for grabs with the boys in the back seat from Penis to the size of the Earth. Unknown to them those two subject are actually more related than they know right now.
Nathan- "Mommy, why are we going this way?"
Me-"Because we have too"
Nathan-"Mommy Lucas said Penis"
Me-"Stop saying Penis Lucas"
Nathan-"Mommy why is the GPS telling you to go that way?"
Me-"Because this is the way to the Barefoot park"
Lucas-"Mommy are we lost?"
Me-"No we are not lost"
Nathan-"Mommy why does Lucas keep saying Penis?"
Lucas-"Mommy Nathan said Penis......" (Giggles)
Me-"Alright you two please be quiet"
The car descends into silence I am thinking I have won because I can finally hear the American woman on my GPS as she butchers the name to every German road I am on. I Soon learn that I am rejoicing in the silence too soon as I hear Nathan gearing up for another question as the American woman butchers the name of the road she is telling me to turn left on I hear from my oldest Super Hero...
Nathan-"Mommy who put me on Earth?"
Me-"I made you"
Right after I say these words I tense up in my head I scream "SHIT!!" He is five!! The next question after naturally could be "how did you make me?" So I am waiting and waiting and there is nothing. I breathe a sigh of relief as I glance in the mirror and see both my Super Heroes are sleeping. So I as I drive these small roads I begin to think long and hard about what I am going to tell Nathan when he asks about where babies come from.
Now my mom did a pretty good job telling me information that was appropriate for my age. But for some reason in the first grade I forgot what the name for the action was. So one day at school my group of friends were speaking about something that they heard was just SO good. I will admit that as a child I was a nerd. I sat on the sidelines and read during recess or stared adoringly at my boyfriend, so when I walked into this conversation I had no idea what was going on.
Me-"What are you talking about?"
Group"Ever had it?"
Now don't get your panties in a twist I thought Sex was chocolate....I would later learn just how close those two things could be related later on.
So I continue to think in depth about what to tell the Super Heroes when they finally do ask the question and I think about how I was the child that revealed to the class where babies come from. I may have forgotten the term for sex but I sure did remember where they came from and I made sure to educate my class on the finer points I also felt that while I was at they should know about Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny (I believed in the tooth fairy....I don't know why). My mom got tons of phone calls from the parents angry that I blew the secret. My mom finally got angry and told them they shouldn't have told their children that babies came from cabbage patches and storks.
This got me thinking some more. Who the hell came up with storks and didn't anyone think that a child would wanna know where the stork was getting the babies? I mean there should be a back story that the hospital gives you to tell your children if you are going to tell them that a stork swooped in and brought them to your door step. Thankfully I have the perfect story to cover that question.
Babies are made of cloud dust.
Live long and Procreate