Friday, July 8, 2011

Homemaking.......Star Date 48

The NEW Good Wife's Guide......

This has come across my table a couple of times since I have started my trip down the old housewife ways. It's amazing how idealized a point in history can become after enough time has passed. But I think it's time for me to create a new guide for Housewife's.

Let us get started....

1. Have take out menu's ready and next to the phone. Plan ahead and ask everyone what they would like to eat. Ask your husband what his favorite meal is and tell him either he makes it or he pays the delivery man while you are in the tub. Order it at least 15 min before he is due know you usually eat it all before he gets there if you order it any earlier.

2. He stinks when he comes home so don't waste your time making yourself look pretty for a man who has been sitting in traffic and probably has swamp ass, you don't want to give him any ideas about trying to feel on you when he is in that condition. Sit down and take a load off until the man gets home to answer the door for the delivery man.

3. His day is not the only one that matters, you think that it's a day in paradise wiping asses and breaking up the fights. Entertain me!

4. I have been clearing up all damn day after these kids if you think I am gonna do a special round just to make you feel like I work all day then you have another think better be glad that I cleaned up the accident the kid had in the bathroom before you went in there.

5. The kids have arms clean up their own damn books, better yet they better be doing their homework.

6. If you want the house to burn down I COULD start the fire but it probably should be started by the husband....I mean he should take comfort in knowing the house is still standing cause he did it.

7. It is stupid to wash the kids before dinner they are animals and refuse to eat properly. They will be cleaned prior to bedtime. I might even make the husband do it while I drink a beer.

8. I can muster up a tired smile but I am not promising anything else.

9. I will show him that I am sincerely tired from chasing his kids down. I will show him how excited I am that he is there because we can down become a united front against the demons we created.

The rest of the bullshit can be summed up like this..... I live in this bitch too you are not more important than me and if you make me angry I will kick your ever loving ass.

This is modern guide to being a housewife.....2 brooms up.

Live long and share the work :)


Please tell me what you think :)