Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Star date......320131

You annoy me....

Today we are gonna talk about husbands. WARNING: This is not a mushy post. I do not do those. So does your husband annoy you? Does he refuse to help around the house? Does he complain about helping with laundry or the dishes? Take a billion years to do one chore. Slap you on your ass as you are going down the stairs and almost causes you to fall. Listen to you talk about your job and then says "What did you say?" After 20 min?

It's time to get that ass.

Alright so I was given this amazing topic by a very good friend. Some would call her the white version of me.....but I am meaner when pushed. So she had some great ideas like washing only the clothes in the hamper which means none of his clothes get washed cause his are always on the floor. Or changing the code on the xbox apply ear phones and watch the fireworks for hours. These are awesomesauce ideas. I lurves them if you do them please post the results.

Now here is what I do when I annoy Mister J.

5. Order the children to jump on him in the morning before he has woken up. Direct one to punch him in the junk.-This serves as a reminder that you made them and you can control (for the most part) their actions. I rule the demons I spawned. The benefits of pushing children from womb. Also it's quite funny watching him get totally upset when he is woken up suddenly from the hit. Now if you do this please make sure that your children do not listen to him when orders revenge. My children are loyal to me and only me. I am 22 a Princess and no one jumps on me. He is old and grey. WIN!!

4. Wait til he gets home and tell him you didn't make dinner....then ask him to go back out and get the thing you are craving.-This means limited speaking for the rest of the night and you can avoid the sex if you are not feeling it. Use this one sparingly because there is a chance it could back fire and leave you with nothing you want and then you are actually pissed off instead of amused when he gets a wild hair and refuses to go.

3. Promise sex in the morning...then be tired at bed time.-Nuff said

2. Put his least favorite veggie inside the dinner and then tell what you did.- He will act childish for the rest of the night cause you ruined his dinner and there will be left overs for the next day.

1. The number one thing? Poke and tickle him awake and then hold his nose closed and whisper "Fuckery" In his ear in the morning. It will piss him off and annoy him until no end and make him so mad that you think he will explode.

You are probably thinking... "Why I am glad I didn't marry her". Trust me I am awesome and you wish I was there to do these things to you.

Live long and annoy someone.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please tell me what you think :)